Thoughts on being a solo woman traveler

Hair, modesty, and a kick-ass attitude: how to travel by yourself and maintain your safety and peace of mind — my thoughts on traveling solo as a single woman.

While in my mid-20s I spent 18 months backpacking around the world, starting from San Francisco, California and heading to Central America (long term stays in Mexico, and Guatemala, zipping through Honduras, El Salvador, and Nicaragua, and staying for a while in Costa Rica and Panama), to South America (crossing the Darién Gap into Colombia, visiting Ecuador, a six-week stay in Peru, visiting Bolivia, and passing through Paraguay on the way to Argentina), Africa (longer-term stays in Capetown, South Africa as well as Harare, Zimbabwe and Bamako, Mali), Europe (traveling through Morocco, Spain, and Greece), long-term stays in Cairo and Jerusalem, visiting Turkey (Ankara and Istanbul), crossing overland into Iran for six weeks, and ending up with a six-week stay in India, based in Delhi and Dharamsala.

The project was for an educational nonprofit with a beloved set of teammates, and we traveled as singles, as same-gender and mixed-gender couples, and as a whole group to different destinations, interviewing local people and visiting cultural and historically-significant sites.

Here are some of my thoughts on how I felt, behaved, and attempted to keep my cool during that journey, particular on long stretches where it was just me and my backpack, for weeks on end.

I’ve broken these down into planning, hair, modest dress, attitude, grit, loneliness, and relationships.

I do believe that every traveler is on their own journey and will be finding out (on their own) the best way to fit the travel, the culture shock, the fatigue, the excitement, and the overall newness of any situation into their own life. These are some of my own experiences and ideas about how I coped.

Planning

Making sure I took time to plan out my routes was very important at each separate leg of the journey. Nothing is worse than arriving on a bus in a strange town with no plan, none of the local currency, and no idea what to eat or where to stay for the night.

Planning was made more easy by connecting with other travelers either through hostels, internet search, or word-of-mouth on the long-haul buses and trains. As a group, we had to go from one place to another, but then could stay in our key cities for a longer span of time. So we would spend a few days in one place then move forward, but then would stay in another village or town or city for a month and a half, really getting to know culture, customs, routines, individuals, and the place.

As much as possible, knowing what my next few hours or days looked like, helped keep me focused and helped me avoid difficult situations. When unexpected or unscheduled stops did happen, I did as much as possible to keep my cool and not get too anxious… a great example was being on an overnight bus, and not realizing in advance that the bus would stop in a town square so the driver could sleep for 4-5 hours, with all passengers having to disembark and basically lay down in the street until sunrise. This was made a little more manageable by always having my sleeping bag and a light cotton sleep sack with me, as well as always carrying triple heavy duty garbage bags which doubled as a tarp to put down on the (rainy/muddy) road.

Whenever possible I tried to embed myself with a local school, religious group, or educational institution with a homestay.

Some places have a set-aside program or lodgings for travelers, such as the Golden Temple in Amritsar, where all the non-locals were housed together in “traveler’s quarters” while visiting this special shrine.

Casa Alianza / Covenant House was a trusted and valued partner on my very first Mexico stay. This may not be possible for every traveler, but staying for a longer while and getting to know people in the community made a difference and humanized the experience, for me and for those with whom I was visiting. For example, I arranged to have weekly Spanish lessons with the hostel manager in San Jose, Costa Rica, which gave me additional insight into home and family, that I wouldn’t have received by just passing through on a relentless schedule.

Hair

Hair is tough to think about for me.

Long hair is immediately noticeable and is a liability in places where long hair in public is not expected or worse, is considered provocative. I cut my hair extremely short (buzz cut) in Egypt, started wearing pants and formless shirts, and experienced an immediate decline in cat calls, and unwanted attention.

Note that expectations differ from country to country, so if possible, using a hair covering, a shawl, or scarf in the pattern of the local custom, and always have it available. This helps the single woman traveler “blend in” with everyone else.

Modest dress

Similar to hair, I noticed the overall way I dressed either helped me fade in to the crowd or made me stick out (and I already stuck out as an Asian woman with no visible male companion).

When I dressed more modestly, then the people around me responded in kind – by respecting me, or not aggressively interacting with me more than needed. I covered up cleavage, neck, arms, legs, and hair when others expected it, or when other students or young women were wearing a similar style.

I usually wore long skirts, again switching out materials as I went from place to place, so I always looked similar to the people nearby. I almost never went out in shorts unless I was at a beach.

Solo backpacking was the first time I had to be more thoughtful about my clothes and I realized that it was simply custom in the different places I visited, for women to be more modest. By wearing more revealing clothing, I would be opening myself up as a target for unwanted attention. It also helped the few times I wore a wedding ring and mentioned my (non-existent) “husband” or “fiance.”

Attitude

I always tried to remember that I was a guest in-country, that I was owed nothing, and I came from a place of great privilege to be able to live (on the cheap!) for as long as I liked, with the ability to pick up and leave whenever I wanted.

Many local economies benefit immensely from the backpacking or tourism trade, while also having sticky issues where the money exchanged also impacts norms and ideas and expectations, for example, about women’s rights and a woman’s place in society.

In general I attempted to learn as many key phrases as I could, mentioned “please” and “thank you” in all situations, and tried to communicate, whenever possible, my humblest gratitude.

Many people are proud of their country, and genuinely want to share their customs, foods, music and dance, and traditions. A good attitude makes the difference between having a connection and participating in a strictly transactional relationship.

Grit

There will be unpleasant moments. Do not let anyone boss you, touch you without permission, or get into your headspace with negative energy. If it does happen, take time and care and space for yourself. I was assaulted, touched without consent and also catcalled, stolen from, pickpocketed, and generally messed with, and I found that I really was not mature enough to know what to do about a lot of this. Having a safe place to go to, and being connected with teammates or others going through the process, helped.

Loneliness

Loneliness is to be expected for anyone traveling alone, but I managed by breaking up the silence with periodic stretches of working/shadowing at a school, clinic, volunteer project, non-governmental organization, or community group. For example, in Jerusalem I participated in a Seeds of Peace retreat that brought together Israeli and Palestinian youth in a summer camp environment.

I would do as much as I could to find activities that made me feel happy and fulfilled. I enjoyed reading and trading paperbacks with other backpackers. I also enjoyed periodically treating myself to a nice meal out or going to any social gatherings that I would be invited to.

I can definitely remember the feeling of relief when finding someone (anyone!) who spoke English (my native language) and being able to share, talk, and commiserate. Know that, also, travel plans change and groups can form on-the-road in a fluid way. I would connect with other travel companions and switch up my routine, depending on how I was feeling.

Relationships

As an add-on to the discussion about loneliness, it’s perfectly normal to connect on an emotional level, and also on a physical level, with other travelers or with locals.

Being outside of a regular day-to-day routine adds to an overall sense of energy and excitement, which leads to many romances which blossom on the road.

Be aware that your heart may be broken on the trip, or you may break someone else’s heart. Alternatively, you may find your lifelong companion. Anything is possible and within the realm of probability.

Carry condoms, protect your heart, bring mosquito repellent, and go out there and explore. The world is waiting for you.

 

My advice, in 28 instructions

Check out the full link here: http://bit.ly/my28tips

My Advice to JobSeekers / Recent Graduates

Self-direction and self-motivation are key.
Know your strengths and build on them.
Be able to explain what you can offer to any potential client or employer.
I highly, highly recommend you EXPAND your NETWORK: You must have access to other people to help you: join a club, alumni group, religious organization, sports team, book-reading group, ANYTHING that expands the number of people that you know. Those people can help you.

Access to people = access to information

*** SELF REFLECTION. ***

First understand your skills so you may “sell them” to your employer or your clients.

Recommended reading: What Color is your Parachute? by Richard Nelson Bolles
DO the exercises, then you will be able to speak with authority on what your skills and talents are.

1) Sign up with a LinkedIn account and/or Facebook account, I find this helpful.

2) Connect with your local alumni group.
For example, I’m on the alumni listserv in my area, which has over 1500 people on it.

3) Craft an introductory letter and specify, specify, specify: what are your specific skills? and post asking for introductions from your alumni listserv.
E.g. “Looking for someone in HR at Pandora” is more specific than “Interested in a job in the music industry”

I can’t highlight the specificity enough.

Someone literally cannot help you at all if you don’t know exactly what type of job or specific person you are looking for.

For example, if you are a policy type of person, do you want a policy analysis type of job? or more of a numbers type of job? Do you want a research job or more of a “people-oriented” job? What field? health, education, government, finance, marketing????? Obviously there are lots of choices, so why don’t you think about what you’re good at/want to do, then ask for contacts in those fields.

A new grad asking for “contacts at pharma companies” will not get any responses. A new grad who says “I need the director for family and children research programs with the San Francisco Educational Foundation” or “I’m looking for Amgen reps, especially those who work with the teaching hospitals in the Boulder or Denver area” will get a response.

4) In your resume, refine it to focus on actual skills that you bring to the table.
What are your skills? What do you enjoy doing?
List these out in prioritized order, with three to five of your top skills.

Verbs are best!!!!

(Organized, researched, developed, facilitated, communicated, created, worked as a team, led, etc…..)

5) Starting asking people for introductions in whichever field you are interested in: just to learn about the market, who the “players” are, who is up-and-coming, etc. There are also a number of recruiters that you’ll probably find, so you just need to spread your availability there. Respect people’s time. Follow up with a thank you note.

Find a mentor if you are serious: someone who will shepherd you through your chosen field.

6) Again – read What Color is Your Parachute by Richard Nelson Bolles.

7) Links: craigslist.org, idealist.org, ynpn.org, monster.com to see what types of jobs exist.

I recommend you do *NOT* use these to send resumes blindly to people. I have received resumes through these channels and have never hired unless I had a bona fide referral or recommendation from someone I knew.

8) I would most definitely focus on up-and-coming, smaller companies. Small businesses (less than $5 million in revenue) provide the bulk of jobs in our country.

9) Nothing beats personal connections, so once you know your skills and your specific field you want to focus on, find companies that fit those “keywords.” Ask for connections. Do informational interviews. Ask for connections. Do informational interviews. (lather, rinse, repeat)

10) Consider being a subcontractor to start, where you work for someone on a temporary basis (3 months) or as an independent advisor, and then if you like them/they like you, you commit to a full-time job.

11) You might want to look at nonprofits, education, foundations, and government too.

12) Do a skill list so you know exactly what you’re good at. You have unique skills: identify them! Then, it’s just a matter of networking until you find the boss or company that needs your specific skills!

BONUS ITEMS
A) Scrub all the vile stuff from your internet profiles.
Take off profanity, sexual innuendo, general crudeness, drunken photos, etc.
Do a Google search on yourself to make sure !!!

B) Be brave and courageous: you will find that perfect job, you might have to wait a while, but as Vin Diesel says, “live your Plan A.”
I’ve worked at really boring and terrible, minimum wage jobs to cover my bills while I envisioned what my future would most definitely entail.

C) Again, expand your network: make friends with people.
Be helpful with people.
Capitalize on your social network by making introductions as you meet more people.
Do be a resource to others and they will help you when the time comes.

D) Let people know you are looking for a job!! Remind people and follow up with them.
When you find your job, thank everyone who helped you, and add them to your address book.

I’ve found that most Cornell alumni find a job pretty easily.
I think your bigger task will be finding the perfect job in the perfect company in the perfect location for you!

E) Bonus – have you considered doing a startup? Venturing out to solve a problem or create value for a community is a great way to prove your skills and to see if you even like the particular industry. You can use “lean startup methodology” to create a Minimum Viable Product and shop it around. Someone with these types of self-starter skills will always get more attention because you have proven you are willing to do something.

Hard work and dedication

For the past few months I have watched my partner help put together the computers for the new Neil Ash USO Center at San Diego airport.

From deciding on Chromebooks, to purchasing, to setting up the workstations, to finding a printer, installing Skype, and doing the documentation, I was able to witness first-hand how research, hard work, dedication, commitment, and planning — when combined with the big-picture vision — makes a huge difference in the lives of those whom one serves. It’s especially inspiring to see a team working together towards their stated goal.

Congratulations on opening the new center!

The mission of USO San Diego is to enhance the quality of life for U.S. Armed Forces personnel and their families worldwide and to create a cooperative relationship between U.S. military communities and involved or supporting civilian communities.

Largest USO Center in the World Opens at Lindbergh Field

San Diego gets Largest Military Airport Lounge

Band is all about teamwork

It’s great to be a part of a team, when all effort is towards a common goal and each individual’s participation makes the biggest difference. Here’s to all the kids and adults who help make beautiful music — a round of applause to you. Bravo!

My son is in the percussion section at the local middle school band. It’s been a long road for him to go from having the most basic of understandings for rhythm, to being a valued and highly enthusiastic member of his team. I like the idea of challenge, growth through opportunity, and constant focus on increasing your skills. Band provides all of this and a sense of teamwork and shared responsibility – it’s a great place for a middle schooler!

I was in band back in the day (“this one time at band camp”) and yes, I proudly admit to being a “bando”. I was even a sectional leader for a brief time, and to this day I am in touch with the other players in my section. Music, discipline, accountability, and fun – it was a winning combination then and it is now.

Thanks to all of you who are  music makers. “For heights and depths no words can reach, music is the soul’s own speech.” – Henry David Thoreau

Greetings and Welcome!

This is a personal blog, for musings on the big things in life.

I just read James McBride’s “The Color of Water” and really liked a line from his mother about pastors nowadays “not having vision” and just “wanting a chicken sandwich.”

You gotta have vision!